Published on June 24th, 2014 | by Editorial Staff4
Tacoma’s Most OK – 2014 Edition
At Post Defiance, we love feedback from our readers. And what better way to get feedback than to hold a totally arbitrary popularity contest that attracts hordes who will probably never read Post Defiance again after clicking “Vote”?
But all the good “Best Stuff in Tacoma” contest ideas are taken by our city’s more senior publications, and we’d hate to step on their turf. So we decided to poll our readers about things that aren’t necessarily good in Tacoma. Since we don’t want to alienate anyone in our demographic who might be very bad at doing things, we decided to have readers vote on the most mediocre things in Tacoma.
Mediocrity is a balancing act. You can’t be too good, but you can’t be too bad either. You must not even aim as high as satisfaction, nor as low as disappointment. You must hold that range of human experience that inspires no emotion, only consumption. Your work must not quicken the heart nor constrict the bowels. It must simply exist and be used.
In honor of the efforts of those who consistently achieve mediocrity, Post Defiance has conducted a broad reader poll and tallied votes in several categories to determine Tacoma’s Most OK Places to Do Things. Hold limply to your seats, Tacoma! This is going to be boring!
1. TACOMA’S MOST OK PLACE TO PURCHASE SLIM JIMS:
Now, this was a close vote, but by the slimmest of margins (pardon our very funny pun), the 7-11 on 6th and Alder IS Tacoma’s jerky stick tepid-spot. Consider making the trip to this Oasis of Whatever, if only to stand in line wondering whether the clerk will let you use your credit card to purchase a Slim Jim and sour gummi peach rings [editor’s note: they will.]
2. TACOMA’S MOST OK PLACE TO BUY COFFEE:
There were a lot of contenders in this category, because Tacoma has a lot of coffee that isn’t necessarily good but still requires baristas and a lengthy wait. A few years ago, Tully’s could be relied upon to serve a cup of coffee that might have been magnificent if it wasn’t fastidiously over-roasted, but their sticky crown has been passed on to the Krispy Kreme Donuts in the Tacoma Mall parking lot. You went there for donuts. Get a coffee, what the hell. Maybe (definitely) you’ll burn your tongue.
3. TACOMA’S MOST OK PLACE TO SEE LIVE MUSIC:
Our readers tend to be very opinionated about music, much like most human beings. Many voters could identify musical venues they felt strongly about, but were completely unable to recall a live music experience that left them in a fit of stasis. But among those who could, the Mars Hill Church on Division was the clear winner.
4. TACOMA’S MOST OK MUSTARD PACKETS:
The Jimmy John’s by REI. At this Jimmy John’s (not to be confused with the downtown Jimmy John’s on Pacific Avenue), the mustard is never chilled and you may even forget you put it on the sandwich in the first place.
5. TACOMA’S MOST OK PLACE TO GO FOR A ROMANTIC WALK:
Are you in love, but not in the mood to make a memory? Why not take a stroll down S. Wilkeson Street? You’ll never remember why you did it.
6. TACOMA’S MOST OK PLACE TO BUY BEER:
According to our readers, any Safeway will do. The selection may be wide and varied, but you usually can’t find the beer you actually want, which isn’t the worst of fates. Even so, you’ll probably never buy that $7.99 bland Oregon beer again.
7. TACOMA’S MOST OK DATE:
Looking for a way to say “I wouldn’t kick you out of bed, but I don’t care enough to put any real effort into this”? Want credit for a romantic gesture but without the unpleasant necessity of personalized thoughtfulness? Perfect! Go ahead and take that not-quite-special-enough someone to The Melting Pot for a pretty OK date. The cheese will be lukewarm, just like your feelings.
8. TACOMA’S MOST OK PLACE TO SHOP:
The Tacoma Mall: Just Like Every Other Mall in America! Readers responded with a solidly “Eh, it was fine” experience while buying mid-quality items exactly like those of their friends in the comforting sterility of the Tacoma Mall, where one reader reports, “It didn’t make me kill myself.”
9. TACOMA’S MOST OK POLITICIAN:
Weighing in with an opinion-less “Who?”, residents all agree that Joe Lonergan may or may not be on the City Council, and they are fine with it either way.
10. TACOMA’S MOST OK PUBLIC RESTROOM:
Readers universally misunderstoodthe definition of “public restroom” but many agree that “that alley by 1111 works okay.” Neither as scenic as something with a waterview (or four walls and a flushing mechanism) nor as adventurous as the middle of 6th Ave, this alley is utterly unremarkable as far as urination goes. So lean in and let out; you’ll barely recall doing so tomorrow.
11. TACOMA’S MOST OK ARTS AND CULTURE MAGAZINE:
Hands down, postdefiance.com. The site isn’t updated on any kind of regular schedule. The coverage is capricious and inconsistent. The Volcano has a lot more stuff in it, and more people read The Weekly, but you can’t necessarily call Post Defiance “bad” by comparison.
Congratulations to all the winners, and a huge THANK YOU to all who voted!
I’m ok, you’re ok, we’re all ok.